Brrrrr “Oh Lordy….I think you have just awakened your inner Sex Goddess. I’ll be around in a tic;) xx Liz”

July 31, 2009

Lovely Liz (Libra) is my closest friend, she lives in spitting distance and is brilliant in an emergency. A Reiki master, Liz attuned me to the hands-on healing technique when I was at my lowest ebb a year ago. Since then I have been a much ‘karma’ cookie. Mr Was Right and I were arguing the minute the kids went to bed, arguing in front of the telly, arguing in the bathroom and arguing in bed. One regular set to was over who was going to give the kids breakfast because, after an evening’s mental battering, neither of us had any energy left to get up. We felt so drained we had to leave the breakfast stuff out and hope to God that 4 yr old Sid (Aquarius, like him) and 8 yr old Nancy (Aries, like me) didn’t poison themselves by shaking Persil in their Shreddies. Back then weekday mornings were a sorry state of affairs. These days Mama Tight meditates and prepares for the day between 6 – 7am so is smiling and on call to squirt honey on the cereal.


“Inner sex goddess – what the hell is that?” I squeak, when Liz turns up ten minutes later.

“It’s cool. Nothing to worry about,” she says, smiling the kind of smile that bounces light off every quartz crystal in the room. “We all have the potential to be a goddess. You just need to be in touch with your relaxed meditative higher self in order to connect with different goddess attributes throughout the day.”


Depending on your star sign and the cycles of the moon, you could be Athena (goddess of war) one minute, Aphrodite (the freedom-loving sex Goddess) the next and Isis (Goddess of your third eye) as you are waiting for your cup of detox tea to brew according to Liz. “Each Goddess brings essential energy to propel you through each stage of your day, but careful it doesn’t get out of control. A woman who is in touch with her Goddess power is so strong her aura will knock some people sideways.”

“Wow, Imagine having the power to wipe someone out with your aura,” I enthuse, sitting back so hard on my chair I rock backwards and threaten to bring this morning’s three Goddess selves crashing to the ground.

“I think I left a few people off balance on the train to Victoria yesterday morning.”

We google Goddess sites on her new iPhone 3G. Well, the sensible ones at least. Some are clearly written by people who have OD’d on chakra-opening meditation DVDs so we concentrate on the saner Goddess websites. According to, “Women have an extraordinary capacity for sensual, sexual and spiritual joy, way beyond what many will ever experience.” To be a real Goddess you need to “talk as a woman of wisdom, love as a woman of freedom and live as a woman of courage. Understand your true power has been stifled for centuries and use it for the good of one and all.” Every culture has at some point in its history known and accepted the loving rule of the goddesses. Women of all ages were once revered as those spiritual gate keepers, the oracles. Pregnant women were enshrined, with the gift of life seen as a sacred mystery.

“So how do you think my transformation is going to unfold?”

“Keep vibrating babe, keep vibrating,” laughs Liz.

“Go on, take the piss, Mystic Meg, but I only have five minutes left on the meter to find out what the Hell is happening to me?”

Liz says it probably has something to do with the shift in the universe brought on by my attunement to Reiki and recent forays into meditation. The dance between you and your surroundings is a magical one according to Liz, who like many new agers past and present believes that our lives are thoughts projected out into the universe and mirrored back to us…

 “The Goddess thing happens when it happens,” says Liz, but not everyone gets lucky. Most people stifle it and never get to live their potential. If someone could bottle Goddess Power they’d make billions.” Well, I suppose, if you think about it spiritual people really do have an amazing goddess glow about them. Louise Hay, Doreen Virtue and Debbie Ford meditate, radiate and are all over 50. I can’t say I am quite there (50 or the amazing Goddess glow) but people have started replacing the “You look tired’s” with “You’re looking so good, Abi”.

9 out of 10 new age hippies say that if you open up spiritually and cultivate your intuition you will soon find yourself speeding down the spiritual highway towards that inner glow and shiny happy outer you that  no eight hour miracle cream has yet been able to replicate.  Liz is right about Reiki opening up things for me. Since I took the first course and started meditating I’ve attracted some of the sexiest men on the Planet.  This week alone the young fit guy who fixes the poles up in the gym where I do poledancing classes asked me out, I had some gorgeous florist boy run after me down the street asking for my number. I even had some cutey chat me up the other night in front of G  who shouted ” She’s mine, you swine.” Well, he might as well have said that. You see by this stage, I was half expecting Russell Brand to supplicate himself on all fours, erasing all other phone numbers in his little black booky wook before promising me his hand in marriage.


5 Responses to “Brrrrr “Oh Lordy….I think you have just awakened your inner Sex Goddess. I’ll be around in a tic;) xx Liz””

  1. 70ssal said

    It is as I long suspected. Being fatally attractive to the opposite sex is not a matter of physical perfection, but inner confidence/glow/goddess type powers. So fuck knows why I am spending my life in the gym in search of physical perfection, or spent my teenage years practising snogging on pillows and blow jobs on deodrant bottles. Clearly, my time would have been much better spent in meditation and hanging out in new age shops.

    So from here on in I embrace all my goddesses, and look forward to knocking people over with my aura. It’ll make me laugh if nothing else.

  2. Abi said

    hi abi love,…I am concerned. this is typical crap that happens post divorce/break up/ start to look inside yourself, when you kno deep down,you are alright!the best thing you could do for your sanity, is definately, shag loads, drink loads and see the doctor for some latest’feel fine pills’come on love .pull your tights up!

  3. laila said

    Abi – you’re one in a million. Keep the quick wit coming. Hope you stay in your vibrational flow. Can’t wait for your next post.

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