Facebook. Abi Tight just read “Beware negative equity” in property news as “Beware Negativity”. What recession?

I heard on my DAB this morning that the most popular line ever sent off to the personal ads was from a medic.  It read “Lady doctor loves to laugh in bed”. In seven words she put across her intelligence, her caring nature (well, she’s a doc), the fact she was a good laugh and a suggestion that she was probably up for it – attributes which, according to dating experts, are handy to plug if you are going to date a man. The hundreds of guys who instantly applied to meet her was testimony to the genius of the one liner.

Others did not fare so well. Less fortunate was the “Tall, well-built woman, with good reputation, who can cook frogs’ legs, appreciates a good fuschia garden, classical music and talking without getting too serious,” who added to her framed advertisement as an aside, “but please only read lines one, three and five”. Lady, you’ve lost me.

Forget signing up for the courses with the Catch a Man and Keep Him gurus, reading men’s personal ads will give you a heap of clues as to what a guy is looking for.  Here’s one of the top ten most bizarre personal ads that made me giggle (yes I am a girl and I do read top tens!).

“Single male searching for double-jointed supermodel, must own her own brewery and grow her own pot. Access to free concert tickets a must, as is having an open-minded twin sister.” Which, when it comes to tugging heartstrings  worked a little better for me than, “Have Viagra, need woman, any woman from 18-80.” Wayhey, sign me up for that dude immediately – can’t wait to introduce Mr. Desperado to my friends. 

One year I gave Mr. Was Right a year’s subscription to Esquire for Christmas. My favourite bit of our top loo read was the Brutally Honest Personals. Does Esquire still print the page where men and women write in with 250 wds rubbishing themselves in public? While I suspect a member of the editorial team may have been responsible for making most of them up they certainly pressed my funny button. “Before I got married, I kept the names of men I slept with in a binder. I have herpes, but I don’t give it away,” is one that particularly sticks in my mind.

Well now it’s my turn and I am as lost for words as a disappointed contestant in Dragon’s Den.

“I’m clever, kind, I care and laugh when I come! Date me.” Desperate.

“Butterfly maiden, ready to wake up from her cocoon.” Too esoteric.

Forget it. I’ll send out a clarion call to friends on Facebook asking them to pitch. You can help too if you want.  Just add your comments under this week’s  blog. After all it would be churlish to throw away the opportunity of tapping  into all you clever people out there in the ether.