Twitter@BodaciousQuotacious “Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.” Albert Einstein

August 17, 2009

I am finding it hard to concentrate on news of the Perseid meteor shower set to light up the sky tonight. The pitches are back and here I am sitting in the hot seat, sifting through the finalists in search of the perfect dating quip to nab a hotty online. 

Fancy a flutter on a painted lady? Put your money where your moth is!

Forget tonight’s meteor shower. You’ll see stars when you hop in a bath with me.

Crazy lady, likes a good drink and owns pets who eat their own poo.

Hmmm. Love the first one from new Diaries’ fan Sean but might have to go with Al who, with the simplest ingredients, has concocted a fail-safe dating potion with ‘Cute, clever, creative. Careful, I might make you smile.’ I plop both in the maybe pile before googling ‘How to write a personal ad’.

 “Hey you!” shrieks Rita Templeton from the web pages of http://googoobits.com.  “Yeah, you, the one staring at the blank document on your computer screen. Wanna know how to write a personal ad so attention-grabbing it’s like you’ve reached out and poked someone? Read on.” I scroll down, while wondering whether I should really be getting dating tips off  a lady who could box Shannon “The Cannon” Briggs into a corner? According to Rita you need to be honest, engaging, witty and wise but add  a hint of urgency to get the dates flooding in. Propose a time-sensitive date. Chuck a free ticket to accompany you to a gig and he’s hooked, by which stage Rita would probably be saying, “Eat mat, suckerrr!”

Brrrrr. Uhoh, text from G – remember man with inane grin who is now the talk of the neighbourhood?

Round 2? x

Lordy. I need a boyfriend fast.

“Maybe we could market you as the next big thing ” says Ange, in the kitchen over a glass and a half a few hours later. “Ever hear about those guys who dreamed up http://datelance.com? They listed their friend Lance’s best attributes as bullet points and left a billboard on a busy highway emblazoned with the poor guy’s phone number.”

 My friend might not sell herself to the intelligensia, what with her sized down Amy Winehouse do and sized up silicon bust, but, believe me, she is a copywriting supremo. She works in advertising, giving her the computer equipment and access to placements that could just make this happen. Gotta nip this one in the bud. NOW.

“Think I’m more the Crop Circle type, Ange. Cut my personal ad in a field like those poor lonely farmers who direct theirs to local air traffic and I might just bag me a pilot.”

“A Red Arrow?”

“Wouldn’t say No.”

“What if he’s the wrong side of fifty?”

“Come on Ange. A RED ARROW? It wouldn’t matter what he looked like, you’d HAVE to shag him.”

I sleep through my Perseid meteor shower alarm call and instead dream of coloured smoke, red planes and G naked and laughing inanely from the pilot seat. I wake up dripping in sweat and gasping for air. Scary.

Photographer Kevin Gilmour
National Museum of Flight, East Fortune, East Lothian, Scotland

Official Red Arrows Fansite http://www.raf.mod.uk/reds

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2 Responses to “Twitter@BodaciousQuotacious “Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.” Albert Einstein”

  1. I’m Rita Templeton. The “shrieker” from Googobits. And I laughed out loud at this.

    Thanks. 🙂

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